Miserabilia

I really dislike some people and I know that I shouldn't and that maybe I could just be more tolerant and accepting - some people have issues other people have reasons and I can't be the be-all and end-all the judge the master of everyone's lives I am not a judge I am just a spectator sometimes I feel like I am a spectator behind my own eyes sometimes I feel like my eyes are all I am. I  like that kind of drunk where your sight gets fuzzy round the edges, where you don't have to focus so much and so hard on so many things, I like being able to let go. Stress is squeezing time for me, days are blurring and slowing and it has only been 2 minutes since I have started and I am grateful for the time I have left however I fear that I will develop a mild neurosis similar to that of snooze-alarm paranoia. Snooze-alarm paranoia is when you hit the snooze button but are unable to relax/sleep completely because you know your time is so limited. This is how I feel about my life right now - everything happens so slowly I feel like I am walking through treacle, amber; my life is in the process of fossilisation  but at the same time I am so painfully aware of how little time I have left and I am paralysed by a fear of not doing enough.

I wrote this in four minutes; five was too many.

The End

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