"I know what you are, Edward."
"Zat's it!" a voice shrieked as a pale hand flung the atrocity across the room. "I vill not stand for zis!"
"What is it mathter?" lisped another voice.
"I vill not tolerate zis nonsense!" said the first voice again. "Somesing must be done!"
"But mathter, how can you defeat thuch a terrible literary monthtrothity?"
"I am Draa-coola!" cried the first voice. "I can defeat whoever I choose! Fetch me my svishiest cloak and rready my coffin! I'm going to show ze vorld vot real vampires do to silly teenage humanz..."