a 108-year-old man from Golden Throne, Imperial Palace, Turkey

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"Heresy grows from idleness."

My children, I hath awoken! From my golden throne in the Imperial Palace of ancient Terra I have unlocked the mysteries of the universe. For a hundred times a hundred years I have looked out across the Imperium of Man, and I have come to great realisation... you people are really boring. Seriously, you've been fighting a terrible battle for your survival for ten thousand years and in all of that time you've done nothing interesting. To that end I have decided to spend my time surfing the ancient piece of acheotech known as the "internet", and reading some awesome fanfiction. Now go, my children, and unleash your unoriginal fiction upon this series of tubes!

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