a girl from somewhere boring and horrible, United States

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I'm an aspiring writer. it is my goal to get at least one book published in my life, even if being an author is not my career, which it most likely won't be. I love writing but get stuck on stories quite often, and I'm quite lazy. I like school and I'm normal for the most part. I have my family issues but not half as bad as most people out there have it. There are certain people that I wish cared about me more, and certain people I love more than anything in the world and would die without, who are always there for me.

I'm a good person. I may not talk like one all the time, but I am a very good person.

I dress the way I dress because I want to attract attention to myself. I love people noticing me. And, for some odd reason, I even like when people fear me or think I'm strange, just as long as I make an impact on them.

However, I'm sick of being called emo.

Some of my friends are not really my friends. They like me, but don't really care about me. I'll probably never see them after highschool, which upsets me.

I love my dad a lot. I love my mom too, deep down, even though I'm constantly telling everyone she's a &#%%&. Which, she can be, but I know my parents love me more than anything in the world. 

A person that was very important to me has just left my life. I'll be okay. I'm looking for someone else now, and living on the love and support of my best friends.

I swear. So? Sue me.

Sometimes the way I talk makes me sound like a whore, I think. But, i'm most definitely not, at all.

I'm agnostic. I don't know if there is a god or not, but I don't think there is. I believe in souls, ghosts, and reincarnation. And, there may be some sort of higher force, but not some dude up there that's listening to our prayers. If there was, people wouldn't be raped and murdered. When they were getting the knife put to their throat and praying "please god save me," where was he? No where.  The bible is bull$^&!. It litterally amazes me that intelligent grown men and women can go to church and actually believe what they are told. Half the !!$@ the preachers say sounds so ridiculous that I actually laugh.

Today has not been a good day for me. I'm confused and don't know who to believe right now. Well, I know who to believe but if I go with that, I'll just resent that person more for taking yet another important person out of my life.

I go through mood swings. I'm usually not like this but today is a particularly bad, peculiar day. Bad because of what I previously mentioned, and peculiar because right now I'm sitting quietly in my high school's library during first period because I wanted to get out of study hall and I thought I might have a friend to talk to in here but that didn't work out. It's halfway through the year and I've really never come here and done this. I told the librarian I had to work on English. She is the biggest @$#@& I have ever set my eyes on.

Sometimes I think I'm crazy, or have issues. But, I guess I'm really just a normal teenager going through the rollercoaster of emotions and bull@$^ that is teenage life.

The bell is going to ring soon. bye.

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