a 23-year-old gentleman from NeverNeverLand, United Kingdom

Send to a fan or friend

"Well let's just say no one makes a toaster crazier or funnier than you haha :D - Mike Itong."

Craziest Toaster: OBJECTION!!!


CraziestToaster: This evidence clearly contradicts this statement your honor!

(CraziestToaster hold up I.D badge, reading: Name: Thomas Smee, Occupation: Being awesome, Nationality: Quarter Italian... But technically British)

Your Honour: I really don't see how this evidence conflicts with the witnesses statement.

(CraziestToaster starts to wipe nervous sweat from his forehead)

CraziestToaster: It doesn't does it?

Your Honour: No.

CraziestToaster: Then let's hear the statement again.

Innocent Bystander: It was terrible, disgusting even. He sat by his laptop, writing fiction and watching anime when a masked fiend did him in with a quick blow from his favourite computer game: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney(TM)!

Your honour: Oh my, that's horrible.

CraziestToaster: HOLD IT! Define He and then tell us what that has to do with our victim.

Innocent Bystander: He as in the victim: Thomas Smee, it was evident that he spent a lot of time writing, playing video games and watching anime over the time I spent spying... I mean watching... no, from what I heard of him... It's apparant that his death - Repeated blows from his favourite books: Cold Tom, Mortal Engines and Private peaceful - was meant to be ironic.

(Innocent Bystander rubs her hands together as if nervous, subliminal body language? Or nothing?...)

CraziestToaster: Miss... I'm sorry  what's your surname?

Innocent Bystander: Bystander

CraziestToaster: Miss Bystander, you realise you've made two mistakes? You rubbed your hands together on the word repeated blows! and you said video game in your previous statement... Also I think YOU were the murderer as all of those were used as weapons, but they were not revealed to the court.

(Innocent Bystander drops to the floor, screaming. She drops several albums, Tom's Favourites: Juggernaut - Knights of the Abyss, Yui - Yui, D.Gray Man Soundtrack - Several artists and The Pleasure Principle - Gary Numan.)

Your honor: Well, I'm convinced. A closing statement Mr.Toaster?

(CraziestToaster fixes his tie in an executive, important looking manner and advances towards the centre of the courtroom)

CraziestToaster: A charming teenager has been killed today; going by the name of Thomas Smee, his long, natural black hair shone in the dim light of his room. some would've considered him a social recluse, and others considered him a good friend. He enjoyed writing fiction, playing a video game from time to time, reading fiction, playing the piano, watching anime, refusing to grow up and most of all - Avoiding the sun. Thankyou for your time.

(CraziestToaster wipes a tear from his suit, and picks up a photograph of the victim: His dark brown eyes shone brilliantly as he tried hopelessly to produce a camera-worthy smile.)



204 comments about this author Feed