Today GoldenEarthAngel posted a review on the page Prologue (Part Two) in the story Prologue - FEEDBACK REQUESTED "Ooh (short comment 'cause I have a lesson now), I like it. Third paragraph is my favourite. You have some beautiful imagery relating to Alix there. Not sure about the fourth paragraph - it seems a bit obvious telling. Fifth paragraph/line is a nice picture, though, if you had to cut anything, 'wrought' would go, as the sentence makes sense w/out it. I like the idea of a moon gloating. Nice use of personification. The fourth-from-bottom paragraph took me by surprise. She's a demon? Perhaps that..." 9 hrs ago GoldenEarthAngel posted a tip on the story Prologue - FEEDBACK REQUESTED "Great first line! Though I'm not sure why train ride is hyphenated. I presume it fits in with your setting, but I don't know how the 'modern' audience would feel about that. Sometimes I've had to cut or change things I love for the sake of publication. I'm not sure about the 'thought the lone onlooker'; it disrupts the flow of the sentence, perhaps. Do you need the 'too'? 'They were stood on the platform' seems, to me, the first bit of scene-action in the extract. "Some bonds were bent to..." 9 hrs ago GoldenEarthAngel added a marker for the page Prologue (Part Two) in the story Prologue - FEEDBACK REQUESTED 9 hrs ago GoldenEarthAngel posted a note on BasilWoodall's profile "I tagged you. Some 100 words to distract you once you're done. http://www.protagonize.com/exercise/didnt-you-just-love-mini-sagas/217904 And who knows what the best chapter length is? I assume you mean for [YA] novel? But who really knows for a Protagonize page (aside from the prescribed)?? I've heard that 2K - 3K is best for the former. *shrugs* Missing you. I hope your GCSEs are being kind. Axxx" 9 hrs ago 4 days ago Jezebel posted a comment on BasilWoodall's profile "http://www.protagonize.com/exercise/the-how-tos Just felt like it would be your type of exercise... care to add a page? :)" Saturday at 12:38am 7 days ago Nyxie posted a comment on BasilWoodall's profile "Can I have a hug? Good luck with exams yaaay -_- We have ours next week. I miss youuuuu. The space bar is really sticky on this computer so I'm basically having to punch it every time. Have you readall thereis of my new story? Kara is utterly insignificant, which I suppose is good because she has no story and no distant history to tie her down. I've planned more of Lily's Story too, it's coming along very well. Things I don't have time to tell you now but you might find interesting: The..." May 15 at 2:30am 15 days ago Jezebel recommended the exercise Mean Teachers May 7 at 7:18am 23 days ago GoldenEarthAngel posted praise on the page Her Shameless Prudence in the poem Basil's Poems "Oh, I disagree, I understood it, and she is beautifully painted. Anyway, I like that you carefully edit so well your poems before publishing. That is what makes it different from the verbal explosions of often Protagonize poets. You're writing as a male persona, right? I read the last line and lesbianism came to mind :P" April 29 at 5:18am 27 days ago BasilWoodall posted a comment on the page Someday, Someday... in the poem Basil's Poems "Woo, procrastination! *procrastinating now* - yep, GCSEs start in a week and I haven't started revision yet :O Bad me. Mm, really *she thinks* I ought to get off Protagonize... Nahh, I'll stay on for a bit longer XD Aha, excellent! Alliteration and 'big words' are also two of my worst weaknesses (though both their 'worst-ness' and 'weakness' are debatable on several fronts...), so 'm'glad you like 'em too ;) I'm known for either over-complicating or over-simplifying my poetry, as a matter of..." April 25 at 9:32am BasilWoodall posted a note on the page Her Shameless Prudence in the poem Basil's Poems "Hehehe, not obtuse, no! Maybe I didn't make enough of it. It was supposed to be fairly mysterious until the last line, anyway, so perhaps I didn't give enough prior hints. Yeah, the general image in my head was an upper-class woman (probably young and single, and living early in the previous century) pretends she's all good and pious, but is really having an affair with the narrator, who is watching her (as he writes the poem) and marvelling at how well she plays her role as the sinless..." April 25 at 9:26am BasilWoodall posted praise on the page Finding With a New Home in the poem Home Poems "Ohh, how beautiful! And sad, too - very sad for someone who still loves her homeland. I love how the first line repeats in its variation, and the imagery is, as always, magnificent. The sunlight 'rupturing' a land is particularly powerful (and 'rupture' also being one of those words that must be said with a semi-onomatopoeic relish). In addition the last two lines are a beautiful ending, and I (am I supposed to?) link the penultimate line to the prior 'This is the home I have known', which..." April 25 at 9:18am Jezebel posted a review on the page Her Shameless Prudence in the poem Basil's Poems "I must be an extremely obtuse person to not understand this poem. I mean, I only get the outline - that there's a woman (who is associated with men?) that has a dark secret. ... How dumb exactly do I sound? Anyway. The poem itself is very well written. :D x" April 25 at 9:13am BasilWoodall posted the page Her Shameless Prudence in the poem Basil's Poems April 25 at 9:06am BasilWoodall posted the page The Home-Goer in the poem Home Poems April 25 at 8:34am
